


for island fires and family

by thefangirlofhp



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This While Listening to Hozier's Music, Idiots in Love, James Potter Lives, James Potter is a Good Friend, One Shot, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000, jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:00:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23951950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefangirlofhp/pseuds/thefangirlofhp
Summary: When Lily realised she was falling for James Potter; and not as a friend.-----❝James's undying faith was something to die for, was what they were fighting for in the first place and it made Lily more than glad to know that it still remained; a blooming flower in a wilting garden.❞-----"How did you know what he was worried about?" she asked, the Daily Prophet's newspaper that morning on her mind.James shrugged lazily. "Caught him this afternoon in the Charms Corridor like this. He talked about it."She felt her lips say the words before she could filter them in her head; "You're amazing."His hazel eyes twinkled behind his glasses. "Careful, Evans, you might just be warming up to me."
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Comments: 9
Kudos: 57





	for island fires and family

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one shot prequel to my story Skyfall, tells Lily's point of view before Voldemort and dying, because we don't get to see her at all in Skyfall. Explains how James survived a Killing Curse -if you're smart and squint. Featuring Dark Lords and Death Eaters' wands producing ducks whenever they cast a spell thanks to the genius mind of one Sirius Black because it's 1a.m. and I saw the idea on Tumblr and couldn't let the opportunity slide, also I wholeheartedly believe it's canon. Sue me. 
> 
> This isn't edited, I literally wrote this in one day but I love it with all my heart.

_❝and make death proud to take us.❞_  
_____________________________

  
When Lily realised she was falling for him. And not as a friend.

It was when they were having a mild conversation in the Common Room about Charms by the roaring fire –because God forbid Lily ever sit anywhere else with her affinity to be cold a centimetre away from a fire- and a second-year boy, Thomas, suddenly started having trouble breathing as he became the victim of a panic attack and his friend cried for help. In the precious moments it took Lily to realise what was happening, James had leapt to his feet, blasted everyone who crowded around the boy away with a wordless spell and cast a Shielding Spell around the boy, ten feet in diameter. Just as she was hurrying to the panicking boy he roared at everyone to sod off to whatever they were doing and leave Thomas alone, before he crouched just at the end of his Shielding Spell and began talking to the boy in gentle and assuring tones.

She'd stood wordless as he talked the boy through his panic attack, told him that he was all right and he had his space, told him everything was fine and that his parents were all right in London he promises, and to take his time calming down because _"_ _it'll be all right, just focus on my voice. Your parents are safe, I promise."_ Even when he couldn't say the same about his own. She stood quietly next to him as he spoke, watched with silent fascination out of the corner of her eyes as he sat on the floor, telling Thomas it was okay and he was here; a friend, he wasn't alone, no one was going to hurt him. She watched the boy tremble and breathe raggedly, collecting himself, wide eyes latched onto James as he listened and senselessly nodded his head over and over, his lips shakenly wording the words James uttered until they sunk in his head and he slowly calmed down.

"Can you get him something warm to drink?" James asked her when the boy shrivelled onto himself in the corner and she'd dumbly nodded before hurrying out of the Common Room to the kitchens. When she came back she found the pair on the couch where they'd just been sitting, and offered Thomas the warm tea. James was sitting next to him, a good two feet between them, his forearms set on his knees as he spoke about the upcoming Quidditch season, and how the game truly wasn't as scary as it seemed from an observer's point of view. When Thomas drank his tea, said his quiet thanks and went back to his friend, Lily took his seat and gazed quietly at James.

"How did you know what he was worried about?" she asked, the Daily Prophet's newspaper that morning on her mind.

James shrugged lazily. "Caught him this afternoon in the Charms Corridor like this. He talked about it."

She felt her lips say the words before she could filter them in her head; "You're amazing."

His hazel eyes twinkled behind his glasses. "Careful, Evans, you might just be warming up to me."

_

It was when Sirius stormed down the boy's dormitory stairs, shouting at James over his shoulder to "Fuck off, Potter, you can't tell me what to do!" as he crossed the room she was curled on an armchair in her break, nose deep in a Charms book.

"Sirius Orion Black you wait right _there_!" came back James' shout from the top of the stairs. Sirius roared, bowing over in frustration and yanking at his hair but stood still. But not before he kicked a table's leg and made a vulgar gesture to the direction of James's voice. Lily watched in amusement as James was heard running down the stairs and she caught Sirius's eye. He huffed and shrugged violently, hands thrown out. James jumped the last steps with an athlete's grace and marched over to his best friend, in his hands a hat and scarf.

"You put these on this instant," he demanded, shoving them into Sirius's chest.

"Piss off!" Sirius chanted in his face, refusing to accept the articles of clothing. He made to walk away before James yanked him back by the arm and glared heatedly at him, furiously gesturing an index finger to the floor. Sirius looked ready to bite his head off, but stayed put.

Lily stifled her laugh as James wound the scarf around Sirius's neck and pulled the knitted hat over his friend's head, Sirius looking like he'd been force fed a lemon –which he might be, honestly- and bat off James's fingers from fixing the fringe sticking out from under the hat.

"Going to give me mittens next?" taunted Sirius mockingly, that is until James dug his hands in his jumper's pocket and pulled out a pair. Sirius immediately groaned. "You piss poor prat, no! No no no no no, James, _I swear to God_ -"

But James yanked at his hands and pulled the pair on Sirius's pale hands, then glared intimidatingly at him over the top of his glasses. "I dare you to take anything off when you leave," he said and Lily knew he was a man of his word.

Sirius snarled, and voicelessly mocked his words before he raged out of the Common Room with a "You really _are_ an insufferable toe rag!" tossed over his shoulders.

"Call me that again and I'll make you wear socks to bed!" James roared after him as the portrait swung shut and he then huffed, fists planted at his waist before he seemed to notice she was sitting there, having seen everything and was barely holding herself together. "What?" he snapped. "He had a cold two days ago. He just got rid of it!"

"Oh nothing," she said solemnly, biting down on her bottom lip. "It's just..." I hadn't expected you to be a mother hen like this, or so adorable while clucking like an annoyed goose. "...Mittens?" she said in a small voice, her lips twitching.

James crossed his arms over his chest and stared challengingly at her. "He'll just shove those ice cold things down our backs as a joke later. I don't fancy dying of hypothermia. Do you?"

"Oh noo," she shook her head, until her lips spread apart and she felt herself starting to laugh.

"And you!" he snapped at her suddenly, as he seemed to take notice of her attire, making her jump. "Where is your sweater? Do you want to catch a cold?"

"No sir," she said immediately, despite herself and then rolled her eyes. "Don't you start. I'm perfectly warm-"

"Oh honestly," he muttered, stomping over to her, and pulling off his jumper. She blanched as he did, and had her book yanked from her lap, the jumper pulled over her head and her arms guided into the sleeves before she could register he had actually done it. He stepped back and surveyed her, the large jumper enveloping her frame, before he put the book down in her lap and sucked his teeth, seeming unsatisfied but with no options left. He brushed her ruffled hair into a somewhat decent appearance with a hand before he nodded and stalked back to the boys' dormitory. She blinked as he did.

And the large jumper, cursed as it be –she was loathing to admit- _was_ extremely warm and the heat seeped into her very bones. She poked her fingers out of the sleeves and curled into a ball on the armchair, hesitantly tucking her face in the neck of the blue sweater; her ears warmed and a guilty smile spread across her lips because it smelled distinctly of him.

_

It was when they were at the Gryffindor table having breakfast, a usual morning as Sirius and Peter argued over the better Quidditch team, Marlene sitting between them and occasionally cutting through their arguments and agreeing with Peter on the occasion, Alice and Mary gossiping with ducked heads, Remus sitting across Lily with an exceptionally pale face and tired eyes as he read his Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook. 

James was by his side stuffing his face with toast, occasionally scowling and telling Peter to swallow before chewing, chastising Marlene for saying that Jack Goldsbye could _ever_ equal the legend that was Michael Crosbie, correcting Alice that "McKenna is going out with Henry, _not_ Vern. I caught them snogging in a broom closet last week", nagging Remus to eat his eggs and drink his coffee before they'd go cold and then letting his tired friend rest his head on his shoulder to close his eyes and catch a wink before class, then slapping Sirius's hand away when he was about to steal Remus's coffee and "Honestly, Wormtail, don't be ridiculous. Jack Goldsbye is _way_ better than Lucia Stone and no, Marlene, not because she's a girl but because Jack won the season battling Dragon Pox. Don't you _dare_ say it was a lie, Sirius, or I'll shove my fist down your God-damn throat. Peter, did you finish your Transfiguration essay? Oh, fuck's sake, here copy mine. Yeah, sure, Alice, just don't copy the conclusion; it's the only part Slughorn reads. Moony you can sleep off Charms this morning _just this once_ , I'll take notes for you. Lily, why are you gaping like a fish?"

Eyes swivelled to her and she hurriedly shut her mouth and looked back to her toast and jam, making a show of stuffing it in her mouth and a "What?" gesture at their friends. She swore she saw Sirius smirk before he turned to Marlene and asked her if she was taking Charms with him that morning.

Lily felt her face warm-up but couldn't help the discreet glances she shot James occasionally. When had he become this version of himself that was making her heart sing? Or had he always been like this?

_

It was when she was sitting outside the castle in the sunlight under a tree by the Black Lake, enjoying the rare rays of sunshine in the crisp cold air with some studying, and she saw him come out of the castle, dragged by a first-year girl from his friends across the hills to a tree and pointed at something in the branches. Interest piqued, Lily discreetly watched him take off his robes and empty his book bag on the ground to scale the tree and climb the branches which he climbed back down, his empty bag bulging with a cat he took out and handed to the girl. Lily nibbled on her lower lip as the girl thanked him and hurried off inside the castle with her pet, watched him stuff his things back in his bag and shrug his robes on before he made his way back inside, ignorant that she was watching him and that her smile was wider than it should be and her heart beating a touch faster.

_

It was when they had a shouting match in the Common Room one night for all to witness and he'd hurled at her a Shakespearean insult, and she'd shot one back, their argument suddenly too insignificant when their lips widened into smiles and their shouting match turned from an argument to a Shakespearean insult battle where she learned he was an absolute nerd and had read all Lord of the Rings books and The Hobbit three times and was obsessed with A Tale of Two Cities. 

Their insult match quickly turned from that into a nerd's discussion of favourite books, quotes and themes and when she had the _nerve_ to claim Frodo was _much_ better than Sam who –in her opinion- was just there in the plot as a prop for Frodo's story, James cut her down so fast one'd think her structured words were crop and his unforgiving reply a scythe and "How dare you, Samwise Gamgee is the noblest friend in the world who literally went to Hell for his friend and I'd go to the ends of the world for _him_. Without Sam, Frodo wouldn't have made it past the Shire. I'd _die_ for Sam." And Sirius was heard in the background groaning into his palm.

Her smile was glimmering and shining as he realised the rant he'd gone on, before the whole Gryffindor house, standing on a studying table and waving his arms around like a passionate fascist, his face had gone red but he refused to back down from his opinion and Remus was smiling into his sweater because it'd been a while anyone had gotten James so passionate recently.

"I'll show you my copy of The Hobbit if you show me your Oliver Twist," James had offered sheepishly as a sign of truce and her heart was thumping in her chest while Sirius was heard groaning again because this was it, everyone now knew what an unbearable nerd his friend was.

_

It was when she was making her late night rounds around the castle, only to find him in a Transfiguration classroom smoking with a blank and impassive look in his eyes and a hallow expression on his face that she immediately hated. When he hadn't reacted or heard her when she entered the classroom, she was reminded of the time she'd caught him sobbing to Sirius in a time like this.

"James are you all right?" she'd whispered and immediately wanted to kick herself because of course he wasn't; he was smoking, he was out of his element, he was looking hallow and he looked empty on the inside. "James," she whispered softly, touching a warm hand to his forearm and realising how cold he was. He wasn't wearing anything to warm him but his school shirt, and that look in his eyes scared her. "James... should I get Sirius?" one was never complete without the other and while one was incomprehensible, the other was the sensible catalogue to them. 

Sirius would know what to do with his best mate like this, this James scared Lily- for him. She was scared for him, and didn't know what to do. She wished he'd talk, tell her something- anything but he didn't seem like he heard her. For a moment, she was scared he'd taken something –other than the smoke- but the despicable cigarette in his fingers told her it was the only thing that interested him in the moment. "Wait here," she told him quietly and left quickly.

She found Sirius in the Common Room, sitting upside down on the armchair reading for Flitwick's assigned essay.

"Sirius-"

"Evans, as much as I enjoy your lovely company," he drawled out in a voice that meant anything but, his hair hanging in the air like waterfall cascading down to the ground, when she approached him. He'd been very off with her lately- on good days, they were friends that bantered and joked, but recently he'd been curt and insistent on not connecting with her. She sometimes wondered why. "I'm busy. Unless you have helpful information about this damned essay, do please leave me with what remaining peace of mind I have-"

"It's James," she blurted out and immediately he tossed aside the book and sat up straight, eyes going dark and protective.

"What?"

"I don't know what the matter with him is," she said quickly. "But he's scaring me. I found him in a Transfiguration classroom, smoking. He-"

"Show me," he demanded and the pair hurried out.

James hadn't moved from his spot one inch, and when they neared him, he made no notion that he realised they were there. One glance at the burning cigarette in his fingers, and she saw his arm trembling.

"James," Sirius softly spoke, taking the damned thing from his fingers and stomping on it. "Mate, look at me."

It seemed he did hear them; his hazel eyes found Sirius's face and the raw emotion in them jolted Lily. His throat bobbed as he swallowed thickly and Sirius placed a grounding hand on his shoulder.

"I'm here," he told him, no sign of mirth or kidding in his usually cheerful tone. "I'll always be here. For you. All right? You just find me, and say nothing else."

James blinked and once, his head nodded. He leaned forward and set his head against his friend's shoulders, all energy drained- exhausted, tired, sucked dry, thin. All that couldn't be related to the 'bigger-than-life' personality he had.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?"

At his lack of response, Sirius nodded. "Okay," he said softly and then said nothing more. Lily cast a Warming Spell on the room and warm heat filled the space around them.

"If you need anything..." she began to James but trailed off. She turned to Sirius instead. "If he needs anything, I'll be glad to help."

Sirius nodded simply. With a final glance at James's empty expression that tugged on her heartstrings, she left.

_

It was when she was helping Madam Pomphrey out in the hospital wing as part of training for her desired career as a healer, and Severus came in with a broken arm and a bleeding cheek. At first she'd bristled, her pride refusing to look at him but then she realised if she was going to be a healer, her first duty was to the patient and not who they were. So ignoring the fact that Severus probably came here just for her in the first place, she worked on fixing his arm and cleaning his cheek to be closed up.

He'd tried to talk to her, say something, but she was far away from the touch of his words and ignored him wholeheartedly, no matter how many times he said softly that it hurt or that she was really good and talented for a-

He'd stopped at that but it was enough for her to know she wasn't wrong in her decision to keep her distance from him. Just as she was finished with cleaning the cut on his cheek, the doors to the hospital wing opened and James stepped in. He faltered at first at the sight of the pair but then he walked up to them, completely ignoring Severus as he fixed his eyes on Lily and a charming smile took over his lips. He smiled at her so charmingly, his eyes twinkling merrily that it was nothing compared to the look he had on his face a few days ago, and when he stayed silent he scoffed at himself, a guilty smile apparent.

"I completely forgot how to talk," he expressed, running a hand through his sinfully unholy and unmercifully soft hair. "It's in my head but I... You completely threw me off," she couldn't help the twitch of her lips. "Give me a moment," he screwed his eyes shut. "And don't think I'm not sincere, I am, but the look in your eyes is making me forget my name. I probably shouldn't have said that out loud. Anyway, do you want to do your Transfiguration homework by the Black Lake? I know this wicked spell that makes fireballs float in the air and I've been dying to try it out." He opened his eyes and smiled that sinful beautiful smile of his. "What do you say?"

Her cheeks warmed and she nodded, pleased. He beamed at her and she thought that it meant the world to her. "Brilliant. I will find you once you are done with Madam Pomphrey. Eight o'clock, right?"

She nodded again and just as he circled and began walking out, she stopped him. "James."

"Yeah?" he turned back and walked the two steps he'd taken.

"Bring your Potions one," she hesitantly smiled. "I'll help you."

He clapped his hands together once. "I love you," he proclaimed and planted a swift kiss on her cheek before bounding out of the hospital wing. She hadn't realised what a magical, sensual cloud drifted over her until she turned back to Severus to seal the cut on his cheek and the bitter expression on his face cut through her fluffy emotions like hot iron. It was such a bitter and hateful expression on his face, darkening his cold eyes even more so that it actually scared her.

"Why?" he snarled bitterly as she peeled off a pair of thin-sliced pads to put over the cut that would close in under a minute. When she ignored him, he grabbed her wrist roughly as she made to put the thin slice on and asked again.

Shocked, she looked into his eyes and it cemented the decision in her heart. She knew now who really was a man of his word when he promised to change: James had promised her not to hex anyone his eye fancied, and that he'd stop hexing Snape too if he could help it. She had expected him to be unable to resist a taunting insult to the other boy in the room and was wholly and pleasantly surprised when he ignored him completely. Severus had promised her, so many times, he'd change, stop his ways, be the person she was friends with but this man- this bitter and hateful man was nothing she wanted anything to do with.

Quietly, she wrenched her wrist out of his grasp and thought of the words she would like to say, the taunting and hurtful words she thought up that would cut Severus more than a thousand curses, but kept her lashing tongue still. She'd made a promise to herself too, to tame her harsh tongue and she too wanted to be worthy of her word.

"Because." She said simply and stuck the pad to his cut. He hissed furiously and yanked it off, getting to his feet and storming off in a fury of billowing black robes and hate in his wake.

_

It was when she held a bleeding out James.

"No, no, no, no," she muttered in a strangled voice. There was too much blood; he was bleeding everywhere- his chest, his arms, his legs, _his throat_ , he was bleeding out rapidly in her arms. "James? James, stay with me."

She thought about what she had to do. Stop the bleeding. Right. _How?_

She was ignorant to footsteps hurrying to and fro, frightened screams and a roar of fury that came from Sirius when he saw the guilty culprit standing motionless in his place, black wand in his long fingers.

"James?" it was too much, too quick- she shrugged off her robes and pressed against the wound in his chest. "Help me!" she screeched at Alice standing across her. The young woman knelt on the ground pooling with James's blood and she too shed her robes to press against the wounds. "R-Remus," Lily swallowed through an incredibly dry mouth, getting the attention of the white faced man. "Keep pressure on the wounds, I need to-to stop the bleeding. Please."

He too knelt beside her and took her place, working with Alice to stop the excessive bleeding. James had minutes if he kept bleeding like this- Lily began casting all the spells she knew to seal the wounds, moving from one to the other, sealing them shut before they opened again ten seconds later.

There was shouting she tuned out, scuffle, people holding back Sirius as he furiously shouted and screamed at the stony faced Snape. He fought against the three students holding him back, lunging at the Slytherin who'd done this to his best friend and was held back while others called for help, told others to fetch Madam Pomphrey and Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall and _damn it, call for help you stupid fuck he's dying!_

"Sirius calm the fuck down!" Marlene screeched in his face, stepping between him and Snape, before she slapped him harshly. "Your best friend's bleeding out! The cock will get what's coming for him but James is more important- LOOK AT ME! Calm. Down. Get Pomphrey. Now."

She whirled to her fellow Slytherin, her blue eyes a blazing fury. Marlene grabbed him by the front of his robes and pulled him nose to nose. "This isn't over," she ground out. "If you don't stop whatever curse you used _now_ , I swear to you that Azkaban isn't scaring me in the slightest and nothing, _nothing_ , will stand in my way when I come to get you," she snarled at him. "If James dies because of your bullshit, there isn't a bigger joke than that. A bigger joke than _you._ "

Snape tore himself out of her grasp, his stony face white and when he stood still, she screamed at him with all her lungs. A sharp noise that startled him into kneeling and begin murmuring chants and wave his wand repeatedly over James's various wounds they were desperately trying to close.

The crowd parted like the Red Sea for the swarm of teachers and Headmaster that came onto the crime scene and when the final wound of James sealed shut, Lily's back slumped and Remus crumbled onto himself. She looked up, wide eyes shocked, at Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore brought by a shaking Peter, and a sob tore from her throat.

Her skin was soaked in his blood, her clothes, her knees, the ground they were on. Blood everywhere, James's blood.

She buried her face in her blood-dripping hands and sobbed. Over the ruckus that ensued as orders were barked and students herded away, the sound of bone crunching was clear and Sirius was wrenched away forcibly by a powerful spell from Dumbledore away from Snape who lay knocked out on the floor, nose was broken and face beaten.

_

It was when she woke up most nights with her heart in her throat, the organ thumping mercilessly through her ribcage, and her chest feeling hallow and empty but so tight and stuffed. Not for the first time, she left her bed too early in the pitch-black morning, pulled on her warm woollen robe and left the girls' dormitory to the quietness of the Common Room, where she found no one awake at the late hour of two in the morning, and she silently settled in an armchair by the fireplace of embers and glowing coals.

The Gryffindor Tower was oddly hollow and empty without the larger-than-life presence of James Potter; without the obnoxious cheerful laughter, the unexplainable sudden booms that would shudder the walls, the pranks set out that had anyone at the edge of their seat; the silence was stifling and James's absence was the one choking her.

Four days ago he'd bled out in her arms, she'd had his blood soaking her very essence, had pressed against his open flesh, had heard his knocked out breathing, had seen how pale and lifeless his face went, and just how scared she'd been- how scared she still was.

He'd been taken to St Mungo's the moment his bleeding was stopped, Sirius was locked into a room without his wand, Snape was woken up and locked too in the Slytherin Common Room while Dumbledore and McGonagall left for St Mungo's, leaving the whole school in chaos because this was an attempted murder –or so the spiced rumours said-, an attack and the only question was it one of _The_ attacks? The ones of prejudice against Blood Traitors and Muggle Borns?

Lily hadn't ever been so scared since she'd found out that she'd been trailed and stalked by a possible Death Eater, and was terrified to think it was- that it was a sign of Snape's unwavering loyalty to _Him_ that he'd be willing to attack the lowest of the Blood Traitors openly in Hogwarts. She wished it was Snape's green ugly monster of jealousy and was terrified that the man had his sights fixed on James; because such a hatred ran so deep in him and if James was on his mind constantly... 

She had half a mind to write to James's parents _again_ and suggest they withdraw James from Hogwarts. They'd written back to her kindly in response to her urging letter, firmly saying their son had no enemies and if he did, they hadn't raised a young man who flees from fights and if by any unkind luck James did make any enemies, he was strong and brave enough to meet them head on and not cower in hiding.

They knew the man they raised, apparently, but Lily knew the man he was; kind, considerate, loyal to a fault, hurt and just a little broken. And she felt it her innate duty to protect him, keep him safe from harm. She swore to herself she'd never be in that position again; that she'd never have to hold his lifeless body in this oncoming war coming to their doorstep; that she'd never have to worry about his untimely demise; that whatever was thrown James's way, whatever he rose to, she'd never think once about the chance of him falling. If he wasn't going to step down, she'd just have to make sure he never fell.

_

It was when she saw his remaining friends, so at odds with one another, so strange without the fourth pillar of their marauding troop. When Remus showed up to breakfast one morning after a full moon, his face bearing two long scars to add to the long one across his face, his eyes dark and exhausted, and when Peter sat quietly at the table, his mousy face drawn and sullen -had he always been this fidgety, this twitchy and so thrown off his balance?-, Lily felt in her heart that things were as worse as she could stand. 

Sirius was still locked up in a room because apparently he was still murderous, still seeing red and if he saw Snape or was free to roam the castle to find him he'd get his hands on him and wouldn't bother with a wand to rip his throat out –Lily shuddered at the imagery when Remus parroted in a monotone voice what Sirius had said- and Marlene was often found sitting outside the door to his figurative jail, speaking to him through the wood. It was bad enough that Marlene was on good days at odds with her fellow Slytherin classmates, but whatever cronies Snape surrounded himself with were too much for her to stand to keep her nerve so she slept with the girls of Gryffindor.

The brisk cold of January told Lily it was only three months to James's birthday –such information given to her during their second year when he'd flaunted up to her, proud as a peacock, proclaiming he was older now and his Dad had given him a new broomstick to celebrate. Somehow, her mind remembered the date because she remembered her quill digging furiously into her parchment while she wrote the date and had forever marred her perfect essay- and the thought that he might have not lived to see it turned her stomach. She found herself digging through the library for long hours if it weren't for Pince clucking in annoyance every time she overstayed, she would have neglected her Head Girl duties.

She'd even dug deep into the Restricted Section, opened screaming tomes and pitch-black pages of books just for that one thing to click in her head, to find what she was looking for. It took so long, a tedious task that would have been an enjoyable hunt had she known what she was looking for, what she wanted. The thought that her loved ones were open to danger the way James was solidified her will and made her plough through unforgivable tomes with an iron will just to find that one thing, that one gem to set her heart at peace. 

She can't sleep at nights, always woken up by restless dreams and night terrors that every second passed by she didn't do anything, her family was open to the threat James was, the threat James's sister regrettably suffered and the threat that loomed over the whole school like a dark cloud, one that had been gathering the moment Lily set foot and she'd be damned if its acidic rain poured down on her without protection.

Until one day, she did.

_

It was when James came back to school after being discharged from the hospital, bandages wrapped around his limbs and his neck, but his smiles wide and for everyone. He came back one morning, strode into the Great Hall as you do with a saunter in his step and a lazy grin, and a shriek from someone that announced his appearance.

She beamed, bright enough to light the whole castle, and got to her feet with the rest of his friends as they rushed to meet him halfway. Remus catapulted himself at James and throttled him in a bear hug and let go only when sense seeped into his mind that his friend had been cut all over and maybe it wasn't such a good idea to initiate tight embraces just yet. Peter chirped like a cheerful bird, excitedly fidgeting on his feet and he fumbled with his hands and grinned when James clasped a hand on his shoulder brotherly. 

The girls gave him quick embraces, all smiles and relieved hearts that the smile was there with its standard thousand kilowatts and the familiar dimples on his face. He waved to his admirers, shook hands extended to him and pretended to flaunt his victory over imminent death –so him, so, so him- as if it were a heroic battle and not the collective efforts of everyone to save his sorry arse.

When he caught her eye later on in the Gryffindor Common Room that celebrated his return, he stopped midway of retelling how he'd fought viciously in his unforgiving fever with a faceless robed demon with a scythe and he'd given her that special smile and her heart fluttered. "I think you've been reading too many books, Potter," she said as he hopped down from his preaching table for his gallant tales and larger-than-life heart.

"An insult!" he'd roared and hauled her off her feet. "An insult to my victories! Nay, to my honour! You dare insult my honour, fair Lady of the Flaming River? I'll lock you in a tower with a dragon that burns to a crisp whoever dares free you! Do any say nay?"

"I think you've been hanging out with Sir Cadagon for too much," a voice from the crowd said, prompting their laughter.

"You'll be chained with her too, Mallory!" James shouted. "I'll have any knight who wishes to free you believe you are her jailor and cut you down first thing!"

"But there's a dragon," piped up a third-year girl. "Why would her jailor be there when there's a fire-breathing dragon guarding her door? The knight would see through it first thing."

James's shoulders slumped, still carrying Lily in his arms bridal style. Then he brightened up. "I'll enchant him to look like another damsel in distress! Locked with her. Ha! Any knight would think it suspicious that two are locked up, so he'd realise that one of them would be an evil witch and cut Mallory down."

"But he could kill Lily instead," another voice from the crowd piped up. James huffed a frustrated breath.

"Not with a pretty face like hers. I'd make Mallory look like an old croon so the knight would immediately know he's the evil witch."

"Everyone knows it's the evil witch that'd be the prettier and fairer one," the third-year girl interrupted again.

"Then I'd make Mallory the prettier one," James retorted.

"You think there's someone prettier than Lily?" Remus piped up from where he sat cross-legged on the floor with a bottle of Butterbeer and a bar of chocolate as he watched and listened to James's fanatics, Peter seated next to him nibbling on peanuts. At that, James was truly defeated.

"Damn, man, you got me," and the whole room erupted in cheers for Remus and laughter.

"Oi! I'll lock you all up in towers all around the world and no one would be there to save you!" James shouted over the noise.

"Sirius would save us," Peter piped after a moment of contemplating silence of how to get out of that one. "You wouldn't lock Sirius up."

"Yeah, and he'd lock you lot up with me," James snickered proudly. "Then we'd rule over the world and then the fact that Michael Corisby is the best Quidditch player would never be questioned by simpleton fools ever again."

"But who'd you rule over if we're all locked up? You won't have any subjects," a second-year boy, Thomas, she remembered, said.

James shrugged. "Animals and insects. Yeah, that sounds wicked. They're more civilized than you lot anyway."

An outrage of "Hey!" rang in the Common Room and Lily wondered when James planned on letting her down.

"Considering you're one yourself, you'd feel at home with them!" Peter shouted over the booing noise and everyone laughed. Lily was charmed with how alive everything felt now that the obnoxious prick was back- even Peter appeared like a buzzing busy bee.

James shrugged with a lazy smile and angled his head to look at her, making her look up from the bandages around his neck. "What'd you say, Evans? I'll free you a few weeks after imprisoning you for show and we can rule with Sirius. You'd be Queen of the Running water and the Fire. What'd you think?"

The Common Room piped down, awaiting her scathing answer that would surely come from her curved lips. She tightened her arm around his shoulder, "I think," she began cheekily, loving how his hazel eyes twinkled with life. "That I'd like to take you out to Hogsmead on a date."

Remus spat all the Butterbeer he was drinking out on the carpet and Peter squeaked like a trampled mouse, while James's hold on her faltered and she dropped gracefully to her feet, his eyes round as a full moon and his jaw slack. The whole Common Room held its breath after a collective gasp and awaited the response from a stunned silent James.

"Well go on you prick!" yelled Remus indignantly. "Say something!"

But James continued to gape at her like a dumb fish.

"He means to say yes!" voices around the Common Room shrieked while James struggled to find the words but it wouldn't be taken for a legible answer.

The portrait door was heard swing open and then close and two blonde and raven-haired people climbed in. Eyes swivelled to Sirius who in turn frowned at the strange atmosphere, Marlene with him. They saw James and made their way to him, Marlene pulling James into a warm embrace and Sirius standing next to him, filling that space at his friend's right that it felt modelled rightfully for him. He slung an arm carelessly around James's shoulders and took Peter's freshly opened bottle of Butterbeer.

"So," said Sirius after a swig of Butterbeer. "Why isn't there any Firewhiskey and why are you all gaping like Slughorn when he forgets something?"

"Lily asked James out," Peter explained hurriedly. "He hasn't replied yet. We wanna know his answer."

Sirius looked to his best friend in surprise. "Well damn, you broke him, Evans," he drawled in that cool voice of his. He looked to her, seriously and said; "He says yes."

And because it came from Sirius, his right-hand man, his brother, his comrade, his wingman, the whole Common Room erupted in cheers and Lily grinned at the pair of them. Sirius patted James's shoulder before he slinked off and disappeared into the crowd with Marlene.

"Are you okay with this?" Lily asked James while Remus toasted them both with Peter and downed a whole bottle in one go.

James blinked at her and bobbed his head. "Yeah," his voice was hoarse. "Just... Surprised. I thought you didn't like me?"

Her eyebrows crept up her forehead.

_

It was when she kissed him for the first time, tentatively and carefully.

The captured snitch in his hand that signalled that Gryffindor had one the Quidditch Cup fluttered free when his grip relaxed on it and he melted in her arms, leaned down more, angling her head to kiss her further, free hands tangling in her red hair, his glasses pushed up before they fell in place when he pulled back to smile softly at her.

She was breathless, her heart thumping her blood roaring because there was always that one smile he gave, just for her, that soft smile that spoke levels of how much he was in love, just for her and it was on full display upon his lips, matched with that gleam in his eyes that told her he was more than happy, more than content, more than settled- he was something else, something grander with her, a version of himself he dreamed of being. He took her head in his hands and kissed her forehead before he wrapped his arms around her and embraced her. Lily had never felt like this; like an old soul who'd found their soulmate, like the Old Magic she'd read about was truly real and it was manifested in the feeling running through her blood, manifested in the love she stored for him, in her bones. Love- all she had to give him.

Love. All she had to give the people she cared about. The Old Magic told her there was not a more powerful force, and she took comfort in that. That her love would protect, would shield, would favour. It was all she had to give, all she was.

_

It was on her wedding day, when she was staring at herself in the mirror, her wedding robes hanging perfectly off her frame, her red hair wavy and styled, her freckles prominent on her face, those green eyes staring back at her.

A knock on her door alerted her to a presence outside and after an invitation to come in, Sirius stepped inside her old room and gave her a small smile.

"You look perfect," he complimented.

"You don't look so bad in those robes," she smiled back at the man she'd grown closer to ever since leaving school, and once it became evident she was not toying with James's heart. Sirius admitted once that he liked her, but was too hesitant to trust her when she realized her feeling for his best friend and was adamant on being objective in judging her, to deem her fit for his best mate or not. Once his judgement passed, he was easier than flowing water, and was her greatest friend against James as they teamed up often against the man more often than not. Still, he was James's best man, dressed sharply in black dress robes that were tailored perfectly to his figure and altered in their design to resemble a cross between wizard robes and Muggle suits to ease the night for Lily's relatives and friends; sure, they'd gotten license from the Ministry and there were going to be officials sent to wipe the invitees' memories of any wizarding world, but she wanted to avoid such a harsh culture shock on this night. Besides, the long tail of the dress robes fashioned like a tailcoat, the sharp white shirt, the high black collar and the perfectly fitting trousers did Sirius so many favours, especially when paired with his handsome face and his raven black hair.

"So all those hours spent fixing my hair weren't in vain? That's a relief," he rolled his eyes and she laughed. "How're you feeling?"

She glanced at herself in the mirror; it wasn't the attire she'd imagined as a child when she thought of getting married, but she felt it oddly fitting. She wasn't marrying the person she thought she was going to marry anyways, nor was she living the life she'd thought she lived.

Fighting a Dark Lord, training to be a healer, part of a secret organization... She'd never imagined that, at all.

"Hey," Sirius touched her elbow. "Today's your day. Nothing will ruin it. Tomorrow, the day after... that's James's job to make sure it won't. But today, it's my duty to make sure it's up to your expectations."

Her eyes softened and she took his hand. "Thank you, Sirius. For everything."

He smiled, then grinned. "I'll go tell James I can't find you anywhere. That'll teach him for being on my tail all week," then he laughed at his own words.

"One day I'll understand all those animal jokes you boys make," she promised him. "And I'll find out they're not as funny as you believe."

"One day," he promised, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Hey, when you have a kid, can we call him Bambi?"

Bewildered and so not in on their inside joke she smacked his shoulder. "No! And not Elvendork, either, while we're on the subject of names!"

Sirius left the room laughing and the last she heard of him was "But it's unisex!" before it was just her and her thoughts and her perfect day.

_

It was when he turned into a stag right before her eyes and switched back to human.

"For Remus?" she'd said softly, her eyes brimming with moved tears. She'd scream at him for breaking the law later, for endangering his life by dabbling with so difficult magic –but this was James, who'd scored a perfect O in his N.E.W.T's in Transfiguration and Charms- and accomplishing it as _fifteen_. But for now, all she could think of was that all the good things he does are all secrets, kept quiet and hidden in the dark, and unspoken of. "You did this for Remus, instead of abandoning him?"

He quietly nodded and she pulled him into a hug, so proud of this man and his golden heart. "I am so mad right now," she told him quietly. "That you kept this a secret, and that you've broken _the law_ , but I'm busy feeling proud. I'll be mad later, okay? You get that?"

"Yeah," he answered. "I get it. I really do."

"I'll be mad for a while."

"I know."

"You'll take care of the lawn and the house for the next three months."

"Of course."

"And make dinner."

"Fair enough."

"And give me massages whenever I feel like it."

"My pleasure."

"I get to name the baby."

"Hell no."

"All right."

She smiled tearfully at him when they let go, and his fingertips brushed her still flat stomach with a smile gracing his features. James angled his head slightly and said thoughtfully; "I wish it looks like you."

"I wish it looks like _you_."

In the end, she got her wish.

_

It was when James cast an Anaticula Charm on the Death Eaters when they ambushed the Muggle fundraiser and had lowered his wand confidently, grinning into the face of Lucius Malfoy, leaving himself completely open.

" _Avada Kedavra!_ " the Pureblooded maniac had shouted, wand pointed at James, and she'd screamed in terror but to her shock, and the shock of everyone around them –everyone who wasn't busy fighting- a duck leapt from the tip of the Death Eater's wand and landed on the floor between him and James. It squawked in a high pitched tone at Malfoy and waddled – _waddled_ \- away. Malfoy's face was a picture, and James was shaking with silent laughter.

"Oi Malfoy," it was Sirius, casually hopping over an immobilized Death Eater as he made his way towards them. "Is that a duck, mate?"

On the Death Eaters, it was one thing, on Voldemort- that was something else.

Anyone who asked or who heard from the Death Eaters would know that the victory that day to the Order was earned because of the well-timed and genius trap from Dumbledore and that their surprise attack on the Death Eaters and Voldemort was what gave them the advantage- 

_BULLSHIT._

It was all thanks to Sirius –and his _absolute genius_ invention back in Hogwarts- charming the Dark Fucking Lord's wand to produce ducks whenever he cast a spell and it was the picture on his noseless face, his furious red eyes while James and Sirius roared in laughter and black ducks spurted from his wand, squawking at him, and waddling off unbothered that Lily conjured during her lowest moments to make her cry with laughter.

Charming the Death Eaters and The Dark Lord's wands to produce ducks whenever a curse was cast- that was made the fanatics retreat, not the surprise and strength of the Order but the sense of humour of a thirteen-year-old boy. Mad-fucking-men. She loved them, with all her heart and it was the best sunshine in a dark cave she could think of.

_

It was when James showed off Harry to Sirius, his face alight with joy and proud of the bundle in his arms. James named Sirius Godfather who looked incredibly touched and honoured, and he swore he'd look after the baby boy with his life- and she believed him. There was no better choice; Sirius protected with the fierceness of the animal he could turn into, with the loyalty it bore flaming his very core. He was loyal to a fault, their most trusted man. Their friend, their brother.

Sirius quietly claimed the territory of the couch in their living room when Marlene was killed, and though he spoke nothing of it, Lily knew the hurt ran deeper in his heart than he would have liked. His only rock was Harry, was them, and he held onto them tightly with the force of a drowning man clinging to his saving rope.

He stayed over so often that Lily automatically set out a third plate whenever laying dinner- he was already a constant in their lives, there was no questioning it. Reading Harry any stories meant reading them for Sirius too who'd bring Harry to Lily wordlessly when it was Harry's bedtime and settle by her side for the story; her shoulder would become his weary head's resting place.

Marrying James meant getting Sirius as part of the packet- no returns, no complaints, and no refunds. The two were attached at the hip, and if her husband was anything, it was Sirius's brother. That was just it- how the world worked. There was no changing it.

_

It was when James agreed to go into hiding, for their son.

A man who'd never hide nor cower away from any man no matter how strong, who defied Voldemort three times with her at his side together, agreed to lock himself up for who knew how long- for Harry, for his remaining family, to keep them safe. He put their fates in the hand of their best friend, and when Dumbledore suggested otherwise they'd both been offended –even little Harry had spluttered in Lily's lap and waved raging plump fists in the air at the suggestion of trusting Dumbledore more than his Godfather- and they both insisted on Sirius being the one to hold their fates and in turn the fate of the whole wizarding world. Because the two were now intertwined together, forever and ever.

James claimed that it would either be Sirius or no one else, and Lily agreed wholeheartedly- Sirius would choose to have his skin peeled off and then his muscles burned rather than betray them. James's faith in his friend gave Lily hope where it was dwindling, where everyone suspected everyone and there was a traitor in their midst picking them off one by one; James's undying faith was something to die for, was what they were fighting for in the first place and it made Lily more than glad to know that it still remained, a blooming flower in a wilting garden.

But then their best man turned down the offer, and suggested a safer approach because he was scared- not of himself, but of their opponents who could find more than one way to extract information from someone's head, not even necessarily with force and he couldn't handle the guilt that would eat him alive should he be the reason for their downfall.

He suggested Peter, and it surprised Lily. Peter wasn't the first man that occurred to her whenever she thought of bravery or strength and had expected Remus to be nominated instead.

"He's..." their friend hesitated, running an absent-minded hand over Harry's torso as the boy twisted in his lap to play with his Godfather. "Too exposed. As predictable a choice as I am."

Too exposed to them, he didn't say but mean. Remus had been leaving for missions across the country for so long, mingling amongst unsavoury faces and places. The implication twisted a knife in Lily's heart; she hated this, hated Sirius's rightful doubt and his realistic thinking but she supposed he had a point- the worst thing about betrayal was that it never comes from an enemy, only the closest of friends. James looked thoughtful.

She supposed it was a clever move; the art of hiding was to hide in plain sight. And what better place to hide their secret than with the least predictable choice, the cupboard without the lock, the smallest basket, the door without the knob?

Peter, as expected, was astonished. But humbled. And told them he'd keep their secret, and that he loved them so much. Lily slept peacefully after, knowing her loved ones were safe, knowing that James, when he was vulnerable in bed with her asleep, was the safest he could be as he held her in his sleep and shielded her body with his. She slept the calmest she had since they'd been told a target was on their one-year old's back.

_

It was when he told her to run, to take Harry and run, he'd hold him off.

" _Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"_

She snatched their son, their baby boy dressed in a Gryffindor Quidditch sweater that said _Potter 7_ , once belonging to James and magically shrunken to fit their broomstick-riding maniac child. _Hold him off- go. I'll hold him off._ Without his wand, defenceless, in his pyjamas, out of practice.

"GO!" he roared with terror in his eyes when she hesitated, just for a second, because no matter how many promises made she couldn't find it in her to abandon him- _let's face him together_ , she wanted to suggest, _together like we always do._ But Harry was more important than trumping Voldemort a fourth time, she'd promised, and with one last precious look at his terrified hazel eyes, she bolted from the living room, up the stairs to Harry's nursery to escape but she was terrified when she realized she'd forgotten her wand downstairs, in the kitchen. She, too, was defenceless.

She barricaded the door after dumping Harry in the nursery, and her heart dropped when that heavy thud sounded, vibrated through the floors, across their carpeted landing. Her James- her James, running head-on to give her more time, upholding his oath to protect her, them.

"Harry," she whispered to their baby boy, the world's saviour. She'd wanted to see him grow. Now she'd get to make him see her die. "Harry, baby, Mama loves you. Dada loves you."

He was terrified, his green eyes said that much. Mama was not playing with Dada like they usually did, she wasn't laughing, she was scared. He didn't like it.

"Harry be safe," she willed to her only son, her love, her lifeline. "Be strong. Harry, we love you."

The door was blasted off its hinges and in stepped imminent Death.

To her surprise it offered her a choice; step aside, live. He had not come for her- her time was not now. Step aside, live. Stay put, die.

Lily held out her arms, shielding her son and thought of the Old Magic she'd discovered in her last year at Hogwarts, of what it told her, of her greatest weapon, of what she had to give.

"No," she whispered. "Take me instead, not Harry. Please, not Harry. Take me."

"Step aside, foolish girl."

"Take me instead. Please. Not Harry. Not Harry. Please."

"I said step aside!"

"Take me instead, please-!"

" _AVADA KADAVERA!"_

The last thing she had time to think of, as satisfaction burned in her chest, was that her best good deed would be in the shadows too. She had one-upped James in this; been a step ahead of him.

 _I'll see you both in a few decades,_ she thought as the curse hit her chest, as her body slumped and her world was no more. _My brave, lovely lions._

__________________________________

  
_❝I should go now quietly, for my bones have found a place to lie down and sleep._  
_I'm lost, I'm sorry if I smothered you.❞_


End file.
